U.S. Moms don’t need maternity leave, so just shut up about it already.

I can’t believe it has been 3 years since I wrote this little ditty on maternity leave. Even more, I can’t believe it has been 3 years since I wrote that little ditty and not a goddamn thing has changed in mandated federal family leave policies. Since 2012, I’ve gotten a second round at what I hoped would be a better maternity leave with my little girl. And while my second experience was better because I actually qualified for FMLA, it was far, far, far from what I should have been given. In the year 2015, the United States is still the only advanced country that offers no universal paid leave policy. 12% of U.S. women have access to paid leave after childbirth. Twelve percent. The one proposal to make any attempt to fix t ... Read the full post.

Random thoughts on being mostly okay.

“How are you?” I cannot recall a time in my life that such a simple question was so loaded. I am mostly okay. With little bits of not okay interspersed. I don’t know if it will ever get better than that. I’ve been on medication for post-partum depression for almost 6 months. As my doctor said, it’s not a happy pill. It’s not a magic bullet. Life isn’t puppies and rainbows, but it is unequivocally better. I am calmer. I am less sad. I do not feel hopeless. I can cope with the every day. It has been a long time since I’ve blogged, and I think that’s because avoidance is my best coping mechanism. It is easier to avoid the conversation, avoid my friends, avoid the world, than to admit any ki ... Read the full post.

Please, if nothing else, wish for health.

The other day, a friend of mine shared this post, Let’s Stop Saying: “We Don’t Care, as Long as our Baby’s Healthy.” This is not the first time I’ve seen it suggested that parents stop using the phrase. And as it seemed many of my friends agreed, this is the kind of thing that makes me angry to be a member of this generation of parents. Why is everyone so offended by everything these days? Seriously, is this the result of the “nobody fails and everyone makes the team” philosophy? I’m sure that was beginning as I was exiting grade school, and it has resulted in a society of young adults who get butthurt about, seemingly, everything everyone ever said or did. Though, this author isn&# ... Read the full post.

In the end, she didn’t fail at all.

I don’t know why this update has been so difficult for me to write. I have 5 drafts and have been staring at the blinking cursor on a blank page on and off for a week. I guess it starts with a thank you – to everyone who has reached out to me since my last post about postpartum depression. While it makes me sad to know that so many other moms can related to my experience, it also makes the burden much lighter to bear. At the very least, it is wonderful to know how much support I have from everyone around me. It will be three weeks this Sunday since I started meds. And, I am tired. Honestly, that has been the worst side effect for me. My doctor told me to expect to not feel the full impact of the medication for 3-4 weeks, and by ... Read the full post.

The 37 Month Milestone

Am I the only parent that thought the “But Why” milestone wasn’t really a thing? I thought it was one of those parenting fabrications, kind of like how in every movie a pregnant woman’s water breaks into a pool at some inopportune moment. I thought it was this thing people complained about because it’s funny. Like, annoying funny.  But alas, between the ages of 2-3 children are “gaining the cognitive ability to make connections” and have a thirst for more information about how things work. So at 37 months, here it is.  “But, why?” Three thousand times a day, every sentence is followed with, “But why?” Can’t have fruit snack for breakfast — but, why? Can’t ... Read the full post.

So, I’ve got Prozac in my purse.

For five days, I could hear the sound of defeat clinking around from inside my purse. To the unsuspecting ear, it could have been an innocent box of TicTac mints or a traveling supply of Advil. But to me it was the sound of concession. Of giving in to something I have fought for the last three years. For five days, during each moment of stress or anxiety I would look at my purse, as if I was willing it to give me sign. I could almost hear it whispering, “Let me help you…” I have postpartum depression. As many as one in seven women in the United States, or nearly 15% of new moms, is believed to suffer from some form of mental illness during or after pregnancy, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecolog ... Read the full post.

Thankful for the Chaos

Last night, I was baking three pies and praying the power wouldn’t go out. The kids were running about like turkeys with their heads cut off. As they ran laps around me in the kitchen, Nora toddling after Charlie, both with huge toothy grins, I thought about how genuinely thankful I am for these little moments. For the joy in the middle of the chaos. The unconditional love amidst the stress. The dance parties and the pants-free Sundays. The hugs and the smiles and the belly laughs. Life isn’t always easy. In fact, it’s mostly not. This last year has been a pretty rough one for me. But more so, it has been awesome. In the middle of all the chaos, there is beauty. Even if we can’t see it at the time. And for that I am ... Read the full post.

Talking about death with a 3 year old and other heartwarming tales.

The other day, Charlie spontaneously and innocently asked me a question. And suddenly, the moment I have dreaded since becoming a parent was beginning to unravel. It’s happening, don’t say the wrong thing. “Mommy, who is that guy?” He asked as he pointed to a candle I had made for my wedding, my father’s picture printed under the words ‘In Loving Memory.’ My heart was pounding. “Charlie, that’s your Grampy,” I said. “Yeah, Nanny and Gram-PIE!” He confirmed. “No, buddy. That’s a different Grampy. He’s my daddy. He’s not around anymore. But if he were, you would have had 3 Grampies!” “That’s you daddy?” “Yep buddy, tha ... Read the full post.

5 Ways College Totally Prepared me for Motherhood

I was thinking the other day, longingly, about the good ole college days and times when life was simpler. When I had almost not a care in the world. Times when I wasn’t up all night with little to no sleep or constantly cleaning up someone else’s vomit or memorizing silly little songs to sing at random moments. Until I realized, no, college was kind of just like that. Especially on nights that I was a designated driver to all those filling their steins to dear old Maine. So here are 5 ways that my college experience totally prepared me for motherhood…or, at least, 5 ways that college was eerily parallel to motherhood and I was still completely and utterly unprepared in both scenarios. Take your pick.   5. The all-ni ... Read the full post.

Look Ma, No Cavities!

Sometimes, little things happen and you just can’t believe you are where you are. You are a mom of a human being, with size 8 feet and 20 teeth. How did my little baby get to be so big? Little C went to the dentist this week, and he did great. I was nervous that he wouldn’t be very cooperative, considering he usually has the attention span of a gnat. But one thing we’ve done very well – if I might toot my own parenting horn – is making brushing teeth fun at night. Charlie has an electric toothbrush and “monster slime” toothpaste and sings the Spiderman theme song every night while he brushes. I believe these things to be the keys to pediatric dental care. Charlie let the hygienist floss his teeth ( ... Read the full post.