It has arrived – my last day of maternity leave. Tear.

It is a bittersweet day for me. On one hand, I enjoy my job. I work for a great company doing a job that I actually studied for in college. I have great benefits, and I work from home. Can’t really beat that. On the other hand, I would give up anything in the world to not miss a minute of Charlie’s childhood. If it weren’t for the fact that I’d like to do things, such as clothe, feed and provide a home for him to live in, ‘anything’ would probably also include my job.

I’m not sure if you know this or not, but most pregnant ladies get highly offended by various things you say and do to them. For example, did you know that saying “Wow, are you sure you’re not further along than 25 weeks?” translates to “You look like a house, way to go Fatty McFatterson!” in a pregnant woman’s mind? Additionally, “You look so small!” really means “You aren’t eating enough, your baby isn’t growing and you are a horrible mother already” to a pregnant ball of hormones. Note to everyone, stick with the classic “Wow, you look great/amazing/wonderful/{insert positive adjective here}!” when speaking to the pregnant and hormonal. To the list of inappropriate converstaion, also add the questions “Were you trying?” and “Are you going to breastfeed?” That is, unless you are a) my best friend, b) my mother, or c) want to get slapped. What I was doing with my who-ha and what I will do with my boobs are NOYB.

And, for the sake of all that is good in the world, don’t ever, ever, I mean EVER, touch the bump without permission!

Anyway, for me, none of the above things really bothered me that much. With the exception of the “You’re so small” statement, only because I was concerned that people who didn’t know I was knocked up would just think I was getting really fat. Self-centered, I know. (Ok, it was also troublesome to think my baby wasn’t growing like it should, but alas – he clearly came out fine.) However, the one statement that really pissed me off royally was “Oh, you have the perfect job to have a baby!!”

“Really, why is that?”

“Because you work from home.”

Insert emoticon for ::eye roll:: here.

For some reason, a lot of people think working from home = doing no work. Yes, I’m lucky that I don’t need to shower and I can wear yoga pants all day if I want. I don’t have to commute (huge bonus in the winter months) and in the summer I can work from my back porch and work on my tan if I want to. (I’ve never really done the latter, but theoretically I could.) But, that’s where the benefits end. See, I work my butt off. Probably more so than any other job I’ve had. Working from home means more time on the phone in conference calls, more odd hours spent working, more work in general. And if you think you can take an hour out of the day to do laundry, you’re pretty much wrong. Unless you want to get fired — it’s pretty obvious when a remote employee doesn’t pull their weight.

Considering I’ve had to stop 3 times already when just writing this short blog post – diaper, feed, diaper – I can only imagine how much of a disaster it would be working from home with a baby. “Hi boss, can you hold on while I go clean up a poop explosion?” “Oh, don’t mind the crying in the background, which has gotten the dogs worked up and barking…just ignore it, that’s what I do…” “What’s that sound? Oh, it’s just my 8 week old suckling at my teat. Is that distracting you, sir?”

Catch my drift? I mean, could YOU bring your 8 week old into your office? If so, you’re lucky…but your answer is most likely no, and it’s the same for me. Even if my “office” is in my own kitchen.

I’d even go as far as to say that working from home is worse with a newborn. I mean, I have to sit here all day looking at an empty baby swing and toys, knowing that my baby is at daycare with people who don’t love him like his Momma does. Also, I have no adults to interact with to keep my mind off of things…just two pain in the ass dogs to get on my every nerve. We will drop the baby off at day care, yet I won’t go in to an office…I will be at home, where my baby “should be.” I also have a lot of distractions to detract from my work, such as the massive pile of laundry that has been spit up on, and the 95 bottles in the sink to wash. But I guess there are some pros, too, such as being able to pump my breast milk whenever and wherever I need to. I am also lucky to be 2 minutes from the day care, so I can pop in at lunch time to feed Charlie. I’ll also be able to keep him home if he’s sick, and maybe not have to take an entire day of PTO.

Going back to work also means I will not be online shopping all day or playing on the internet while watching repeats of Roseanne. Plus one for my bank account and my brain cells, respectively. Also, I won’t be staring at Charlie all day, catching his every cute move on film or video…which means cutting back on the Facebook baby posts – you’re welcome, friends.

So, today I am sad. But also looking forward to getting back into the normal routine of life. Hopefully it won’t be too crazy of a change to settle into… we will see in 24 hours. Until then, I’m going to just go cuddle with my little love bug!

Cuddling

Sleeping with one eye partially open. *wink*

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