10 Things – 5 Month Edition

This Sunday was not only Easter, but it also marked the 5-month anniversary of the birth of Charlie! I cannot freaking believe how fast time is flying by.

As you may know, Tristan and I were team green throughout my whole pregnancy and we didn’t find out Charlie was a ‘he’ until he was born. I would have been perfectly happy had he been a either sex, and the surprise was absolutely, undoubtedly, without question worth the wait! Hearing Tristan exclaim “It’s a boy!” is a moment that I will cherish forever.

So, for my top 10 this month, I thought I’d put a different spin on it. Warning: you’ll probably be offended if you’re a mother to a little girl. Sorry about that.

Top 10 Reasons I am Glad Charlie is a Boy

10. Well, there’s that whole first born son thing. In some cultures, if the first born is male, he receives more of the inheritance. I have some bad news for Charlie… 100% of $0 is $0. Sorry, son. But, hopefully we can still count on him to carry on the family name.

9. Bow Ties > Tutus. Every. Day.

8. Everyone should have a big brother.  I mean, I totally credit my big brother for building my personality and sense of humor. If he hadn’t been around, no one would have called me Mich-smell or tried to convince me I was adopted. Without him, I wouldn’t have a soft spot for stupid adult cartoons like Beavis and Butthead or inappropriate humor, like Howard Stern. Nothing builds character like coming home from school on a daily basis to discover that every single item in your bedroom has been turned backwards. And, if we are lucky enough to have more babies, Charlie gets to be that for whoever comes next.

7. I was not really prepared for a girl. As much as we were team green, my mother’s intuition told me from the very beginning that he was a boy. Even though we tried to keep a lot of the big purchases gender neutral, my tastes leaned toward the masculine – the puppies, robots and monsters. I am glad my intuition was right simply because my personal sentiment is that bald baby girls look boyish already, mostly just due to the lack of hair. They kind of need the pink and the purple and the bows, or else everyone is going to ask “How old is he?” We didn’t have a single pink item – mostly yellow, green and blue…therefore we didn’t need to exchange anything for pinks and purples.

6. Along the same lines, I don’t think Tristan was prepared for a girl. In case you missed it, I married a nerd. And with a nerd comes lots and lots and lots of toys. Like, light sabers and video games and samurai swords and Legos. Not that a girl can’t enjoy those things when she gets older…but I’m sure I would have preferred Malibu Barbie to a life-sized Lego Yoda when I was 10. Just saying.

5. Teenage girls are bitches. So, entering the teen phase will probably be a bit easier on us. I know this because I was once a teenage girl, and I was once a ginormous bitch.

4. At this rate, we won’t have to pay for a wedding. $$$

3. Free labor. Questions like “Can you open this?”, “Can you carry this upstairs?” , “Can you reach that?” , “Can you kill that?” , or “Can you mow the lawn?”  will not just be reserved for Tristan in the not-too-distant future. Alright!

2. “Mom, I’m pregnant” is not a phrase I will hear while he is in high school. Or ever. Like they say, instead of worrying about 100 penises, I just have to worry about one. And, I will try my best to make sure that phrase also won’t be “Mom, my girlfriend is pregnant.” Instead of having to drive him to Planned Parenthood to get a prescription for birth control when he turns 15, I can just stick a 100-pack of condoms in his sock drawer and maybe skip the awkward “are you having the sex?” talk.

1. There’s something about the way little boys love their mamas. Have you ever read the book Love You Forever? It’s true – that relationship. Every little boy’s first love is their mother… I’ve seen it in real life, with Tristan and his mom. I can only hope that I am a good enough mother that Charlie will love me as much as Tristan loves his mom.

So, there you have it. And, really, don’t be offended if you are a Mama to a baby girl. Because I’m sure you can come up with your 10 for why girls rule – I get it, after all, I am a girl myself.

“A boy’s best friend is his mother.”
— Joseph Stefano

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