We all want the best for our children, and we try to provide that by being the best parents we can. Most of the time, we know lessons are more easily learned by doing than by telling. You know, the whole “actions speak louder than words” thing.
Nonetheless, here are the top ten pieces of life advice that I want to give my son.
1. I don’t like worms, snakes or bugs. Please don’t store these creatures in your pockets. Also, I will not close my eyes and open my mouth. But that doesn’t mean I love you any less.
2. When you break up with your first girlfriend, do it gently. Don’t ever use the word ‘psycho’ – even if she seems to be. Women, especially the young ones, are emotional beings beyond your male capacity to understand.
3. Some day, your wife is going to say “I hate it when your mother…” Yes, you must agree with her. And, yes, I will find a way to understand.
4. I hope I instill in you a
good great superior work ethic. But, if the day ever comes that you wake up as someone other than who you want to be, I hope I’ve also given you the power to make a change. You live life once – nothing is worth being miserable.
5. I’ve changed your diapers, but I’ll never expect you to change mine. That’s not why I had children – put me in the home. Just please promise to visit at least once a week.
6. I let you fail because I love you.
7. Don’t be a bully in childhood. Don’t be a bully as an adult. No matter your position, you do not know the struggles that others may be facing. Everyone has worth. You must have compassion.
8. If you are on the receiving end of bullying, know first — mom and dad were not “cool” either. And second, have the courage to stand up for yourself. Bullies don’t bully because of you; there is something wrong in their life. Don’t ever let someone else’s problems define you.
9. Sorry in advance that I posted your baby pictures all over the internet. Specifically the embarrassing ones, such as the ones that show your bum. Honestly, I was banking on that whole Mayan Calendar thing…or, at least expecting that the internet would crash some day and your future wouldn’t include Facebook. Therefore, I have never really considered that my actions might come back to haunt you.
10. If you follow in your father’s footsteps (and the footsteps of just about every other boy), we are just awaiting the day that you whip out an inappropriate body part at an inappropriate moment. A.) Please don’t make it a habit, B.) No, you will never live it down, and C.) You better hope that sh*t doesn’t end up on Facebook. If so, see #9.