Grocery Store Etiquette

I was going back through some of the posts in my old, pre-baby blog when I noticed this one, from August 23, 2009, received a significantly higher amount of views than any other… and, upon reading it again, it made me laugh out loud. First, because the point of this post still holds true – stupid people at the grocery store annoy the hell out of me. Second, I can’t believe I creeped that picture on my phone. And third, I made an inference of my annoyance about a lady with a crying baby in the grocery store – and now I am that lady! Hilarious!

Here it is:

So, I sit here typing this on a Sunday afternoon after having had a super productive morning. I got to sleep in, but when I did get up Tristan and I went right to work on the upstairs bathroom. (We are slowing trying to remodel different parts of our house… slowly but surely, we are getting there.) After project #1 was complete, I decided to do a thorough clean of the kitchen. I may possibly even clean out the refrigerator… I know, crazy. Anyway, I was waiting for the freshly mopped floors to dry, so I decided to write out a grocery list for the week. It was then that I remembered my last excursion to the grocery store and decided I just HAD to blog about it.

My biggest pet peeve at the grocery store is the moron in the quick check-out line. I mean, crazy cart wanderers are no fun either (you know, the people that take up the whole aisle with their cart, or insist on blocking up the product you need to grab for 45 minutes while they decide if they want creamed corn or the regular corn….) But, I’d deal with those people every day of the week if it meant I wouldn’t have to be stuck behind an idiot in the fast lane.

It happens to me every time. I mean, EVERY time. I once had to wait 10 minutes for a guy to come back and pay for his salad bar lunch after he had gone to grab a FORK THAT YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO PAY FOR. Why couldn’t he have grabbed the fork after he paid? Because he was a moron, that’s why.

A personal favorite of mine is the infamous “check writer.” A. Welcome to the year 2009 – it’s called a debit card… learn it, love it. B. If you don’t want to step into the 21st century, that’s totally cool – but don’t check out in the quick lane. Writing checks is by no means “quick,” “fast”, “speedy” or any other variation of the word.

Then, there’s always the item-counting impaired. I love those people that think that 25 separate yogurt containers really only amount to 1 item, because they are all the same item. THE SIGN SAYS 10 ITEMS OR LESS. Did you watch Sesame Street when you were little? Then you probably know how to count to 10. 11 is greater than 10. 15 is greater than 10. 25 is GREATER THAN 10!!!

An finally, to get to my point about my last trip through the speedy checkout— I was at Hannaford, sandwiched between an old couple and a item-counting impaired woman with a crying baby. I had 3 items to pay for… I thought I was in the clear, as I had entered the line as the old couple’s last item was being scanned. But then, this happened:

That’s right. Their total came to $27.00. AND THEY PAID IN CHANGE. The situation was so ridiculous, I had to snap a picture with the ol’ iPhone.

So, here is my lesson of the day – if you are going to use the fast check out lane at any retail store… follow the rules, people!!! If you need to dilly dally, the fast lane is not the time or the place. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Now that I am a mother, my need for a speedy checkout has increased. Meaning, I now empathize with the woman behind me in that line. She had too many items for the fast checkout, because she couldn’t give two shits about counting her items with a hysterical baby. There was no way in hell she’d go stand in the slow lanes, behind Grandma and Grampa doing their entire month’s worth of grocery shopping. At the time of this incident, she was undoubtedly more irritated than I.

Hope you enjoyed this little gem! A couple of my old posts were pretty funny. They might be worth a revisit every once in a while!!

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