Recently, my son became mobile. This evokes an array of emotions in me – excitement (in seeing him grow up), sadness (in seeing him grow up), paranoia (in that he may get hurt), and pride (in his learning and success). But his new-found mobility has also taught me that I am NOT cut out to be a stay at home mother.
Case in point: the following photo was taken just seconds before Charlie fell backward and slammed his head off the hardwood floor. 🙁
I was simply attempting to photograph C pulling himself to standing and using me as a jungle gym (so I could blog about it, ironically), but instead I ended up earning a membership into the shitty parents club. After a good amount of tears (from both of us), he was totally fine, minus the quarter size, red lump on the back of his head.
When the incident happened, I thought 2 things. The first thing that came to mind was “rub it, rub it” which I repeated over and over again. I know he couldn’t understand me nor could he rub it, rub it. But, that was what my mom used to tell me after the bumps and falls when I was little. It just felt right.
The second thing was, thank GOD he goes back to daycare on Monday. I think it is in the best interest of us both!
Don’t get me wrong – I love my little guy to the moon, and I wish I could spend every waking minute with him. But the bottom line is, it’s hard doing it alone and full time. I was on vacation all week, alone with him for half of it, and by Friday you can bet your britches that there was a wine bottle screaming my name! He is at the age now that we cannot take an eye off him for 2 seconds, or it could be a disaster. It happened overnight (literally) and before we were fully prepared for it. And I’m just not sure I have the patience for that 24/7.
I’m certain that this literal bump in the road, which is the first of many – I know, has scarred me more than it did him. Considering he got right back on the horse and continued trying to climb up on me a few hours later, I don’t really think he even remembers “the great fall”…but I remember. And I will always remember it. It was the first time I felt like I let my baby down and didn’t keep him safe.
So, in short, I am looking forward to returning to work on Monday. For all the times I’ve wished I could be a stay at home mother, this was the first time I’ve truly though I love being a working mom! I’m looking forward to 8 hours of respite, while sending him to a place where there are plenty of sets of eyes and floors made of rubber foam.
P.S. We also eat big boy food now.