Not Cut Out For This.

Recently, my son became mobile. This evokes an array of emotions in me – excitement (in seeing him grow up), sadness (in seeing him grow up), paranoia (in that he may get hurt), and pride (in his learning and success). But his new-found mobility has also taught me that I am NOT cut out to be a stay at home mother.

Case in point: the following photo was taken just seconds before Charlie fell backward and slammed his head off the hardwood floor. πŸ™

Leaning Tower of Charlie

Leaning Tower of Charlie

I was simply attempting to photograph C pulling himself to standing and using me as a jungle gym (so I could blog about it, ironically), but instead I ended up earning a membership into the shitty parents club. After a good amount of tears (from both of us), he was totally fine, minus the quarter size, red lump on the back of his head.

When the incident happened, I thought 2 things. The first thing that came to mind was “rub it, rub it” which I repeated over and over again. I know he couldn’t understand me nor could heΒ rub it, rub it. But, that was what my mom used to tell me after the bumps and falls when I was little. It just felt right.

The second thing was, thank GOD he goes back to daycare on Monday. I think it is in the best interest of us both!

Don’t get me wrong – I love my little guy to the moon, and I wish I could spend every waking minute with him. But the bottom line is, it’s hard doing it alone and full time. I was on vacation all week, alone with him for half of it, and by Friday you can bet your britches that there was a wine bottle screaming my name! He is at the age now that we cannot take an eye off him for 2 seconds, or it could be a disaster. It happened overnight (literally) and before we were fully prepared for it. And I’m just not sure I have the patience for that 24/7.

I’m certain that this literal bump in the road, which is the first of many – I know, has scarred me more than it did him. Considering he got right back on the horse and continued trying to climb up on me a few hours later, I don’t really think he even remembers “the great fall”…but I remember. And I will always remember it. It was the first time I felt like I let my baby down and didn’t keep him safe.

So, in short, I am looking forward to returning to work on Monday. For all the times I’ve wished I could be a stay at home mother, this was the first time I’ve truly though I love being a working mom! I’m looking forward to 8 hours of respite, while sending him to a place where there are plenty of sets of eyes and floors made of rubber foam.

P.S. We also eat big boy food now.



2 thoughts on “Not Cut Out For This.

  1. Yup- I hear you on this! Working is good for me and for my boys! It’s bizarre but on Friday’s I’m looking forward to the weekend and on Monday’s I’m looking forward to the week.. at least I’m almost always looking forward to something! πŸ™‚

  2. ohh accidents happen! And I like this post because I, too, have days feeling I’m not cut out for this stay at home thing all the time. I work full time as a school counselor but since it’s summer time I’m home with the kids… and some days are rough. I have such huge admiration for stay-at-home moms. They must have the most patience of anyone on the planet. Seriously. I LOVE my time at home, cherish it so much and will definitely miss it once the fall rolls back around and I’m full time working again. But I need my life outside the house, too. I wish I could work part-time, that would be ideal to me.

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