How is it even possible that I am writing about my new baby being a MONTH old? I feel like it’s been a day, or a week. I thought time flew by with Charlie, but this is just out of control.
In fact, there are many things that are different with the second baby. Like how they only take 10 minutes of pushing instead of 110. Or how you actually know what to do with ‘it’ when the doctor hands the baby over and leaves you all alone in the delivery room. Or how you actually get sleep in the hospital because you only have 2 visitors (your parents).
Or, any of the following:
10. You actually take showers during the day. That’s right, you actually put the baby down in its bassinet, and you take a shower. Sometimes, when she starts screaming her face off right after you get in, you even finish shaving the other leg before calling it quits.
9. Bathing the child, however, has become entirely optional. Really, she only needs a bath every
other day week 10 days, okay, twice in one month.
8. You have confidence in your parenting skills. Like when you burp your newborn, you actually burp her. None of that gentle shit. Then just when you thought you were owning it, parenting makes a fool out of you. The blow-outs are bigger, the cries are cry-ier, and you can never remember the answer to the question, “was it like this last time?”
7. It take 4 times as long to go anywhere or do anything. Because on top of the toddler who refuses to put on his shoes, you have a daughter who will definitely poop and the worst.possible.time. Literally, you just don’t even try to do more than one thing in a day if it involves leaving home because it will take half the goddamn day just to get into the car.
6. You travel with eleventy billion bags of things. Because you have to have two different sizes of diapers and binkies and regular cow milk and breastmilk and burp cloths and booger wipes, and, and, and. But, it never fails, the one fucking thing you need will be in the bag you left at home.
5. You’ve asked for your own reserved parking spot at the doctor’s office. Because you live there. Between jaundice baby, sick toddler, well visits, and mom follow-ups, you’re there twice a week. And it takes all day to get there, with your two kids and your bajillion bags of shit.
4. You may as well just have your paycheck direct deposited into your daycare’s account. Because it all goes there. Seriously. Adding a second child to the daycare bill will officially cost more than it does to own your home.
3. You no longer have a stick up your ass. About so many things. Like people holding/touching/babysitting the child. Whereas you certainly didn’t let anyone hold your first child without swimming in hand sanitizer first. And he definitely wasn’t ready to sleep over Grammy’s until he was, like, a year old. Full night of uninterrupted sleep? Sure, when can I drop them off???
2. You’re more apt to make decisions solely based on your family and not feel guilty. Like when it comes to going to social events or traveling for holidays. Because there are now 4 of you, and half of your family still doesn’t know how to shit on a toilet. So, you’re finally like, screw it – if you people want to see us, you can come to us. Because if we have to go out and do things, well, see number 6 and 7 above.
1. When you look at your baby, you really look at her. Because you know how fast time is going to fly by and the baby moments will be gone. Like, you start writing a blog post and your daughter fits into newborn onesies and by the time you are done she’s into 0-3 months. I mean, literally, that just happened with this post.
Happy one month to my little Nori-girl. We love you to the moon. QUIT GROWING SO FAST.