A long time ago, in a faraway land, I was able to stay out past 10 p.m. and not talk about breastfeeding. Or poop. Believe it or not, I could actually drink more than 3 beers before getting utterly exhausted. I even did a 60-second keg stand in college once. True story.
But now, if you see me out, I’ll be the one with “MOM” tattooed across her face yawning in the corner.
Saturday night, hubby and I went to the 20th Annual Maine Brew Festival. It was our first time out on the town, without babies, since Nora’s arrival. I stayed out for 3 hours and got drunk off 3 beers.
It was a great time.
As a takeaway from this evening, here are 4 warning signs that you might be “that mom” at your next social event…
4. You text your best friends because you’re drunk off 3 beers, and the conversation somehow turns to breastfeeding. Neither of these friends have babies, and the conversation had absolutely nothing remotely to do with boobs to begin with…
3. You turn your child’s favorite saying about string cheese into your motto for the night. “One more!” But you pronounce it, “Mun more!”, like a 2 year old. And – bonus points – every time you say it, it gives you another excuse to gush about how much you love that kid.
2. On the ride home, you tell your designated driver – in great detail – about the massive, explosive poop your daughter had earlier that day.
1. You find a way to locate baby attire at a BEER festival. And you buy it.