You are what you wear? Offensive future bride babies everywhere.

I am too hurt.. and shocked... and offended.. and... hurt!

I am too hurt.. and shocked… and offended.. and… hurt!

Apparently there is a new baby onesie out there causing quite the stir. The onesie is an unoffensive shade of white with a silver applique of rhinestones spelling out the “offensive” phrase Future Bride.

Offensive? Really, people?

Both HuffPost Parents, who posted the story to their Facebook page with the caption “Well, this onesie is offensive,” and Jezebel, who advised to “never, ever dress a child” in it, cite this onesie as the most recent regression in feminism.

Oh, for f*cks sake.

Let’s forget about the fact that women still only make 82.2% of the salary that men make. Let’s continue to allow billionaire business women like Marissa Mayer and Sheryl Sandberg dictate how we exist and set a ridiculously unattainable and unrealistic bar for the working class woman. Let’s keep allowing new mothers to be pushed out of the workforce for having babies or requesting time to express breast milk to feed their newborns. Let’s keep perpetuating the mommy wars and the fights between the working moms and the stay at home moms and the formula feeders against the lactivists.

None of these things are detrimental to the feminist movement. Nope, not at all because – HOLD THE PHONE – someone thought I’d want to buy a shirt insinuating that my daughter could some day dream and plan to do what the majority of women do when they grow up. Ovaries and fallopian tubes unite around the world, this is the hill that we will all fight and die on!

Am I the only one who thought dressing my kid in a graphic tee was nothing more than an attempt to display my own ridiculous wit and humor? Not some pageant mom attempt to force my child to become only what I what him or her to be. I never intended my son’s “Future Heartbreaker” Valentine’s Day apparel to place some kind of crazy pressure and expectation upon him to become the douchey guy you give it up to after too many ice luge shots of Jager at a fraternity party who won’t even give you a ride home the next morning. But apparently, people are worried that these graphic tees are just placing too much pressure on the kiddies.

What if she doesn’t want to be a Future Bride? Well, she should get a job and buy her own goddamn clothes then. This onesie will make for an excellent embarrassing baby album scenario when her first boyfriend comes to pick her up for prom. Or it may be the only cute gesture you can make to distract everyone at the wedding ceremony from the fact that you’re the one asshole who brought the crying baby. Clearly it is worth the $14.99 price tag. At least, quite a few consumers think so, considering the product is sold out.

I would like to know, what is wrong with people? If someone wants to dress their daughter in a really stupid onesie that says ‘future bride’ or ‘future princess’ or ‘future gold digger’, how does it affect you in any way shape or form? Are you really going to reduce the historical significance of the feminist movement by insinuating that a 3 month old’s shirt – which she will probably only spend 45 minutes wearing before pooping or puking on it – can halt (or even reverse) feminist progress? This notion is a little lot absurd. My children will not become who they are based on the ridiculous tagline on their clothing, but by the values and beliefs I instill in them. And if my second child is a girl, I really hope her wardrobe won’t be expected to represent the entire historical past that got women where they are today.

I wish people would quit trolling around the internet looking for things to get offended by, and then thrusting it into the spotlight by bitching about it on social media and urging others to jump on the bandwagon with them. I mean, aren’t there more important discussion to be having here?

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