An Open Letter to Suzy Weiss: You are an Asshole.

Dear Suzy Lee Weiss,

I know why (all) those colleges rejected you. And it has nothing to do with much of the content of your op-ed in the Wall Street Journal, who really just published your piece to generate a little boost in readership. Not because it was awesome or so spot on. No, they knew it would spark controversy because they saw what the majority of society also sees: You’re an asshole.

And I think that must be part of where you went wrong in your college applications – you did exactly what colleges tell you. “Just be yourself.” Unfortunately, yourself is a teenage asshole. And they saw right through you. Other adjectives that can be used to describe you would also include bratty, entitled, selfish, racist, bigoted and deplorable. You can take your pick from any of this list really.

But before anyone flips on me for name calling and picking on a kid, I will say that I don’t actually blame you. I blame the terrible era of parenting that raised you and the rest of your generation. You know, the parents that believe an “F” is too harsh and instead should be “needs improvement”; that believe no one should be cut from the team. No losers, we’re all winners – who needs a score? The kind of parents that blame the teacher when you earn yourself a detention (Not my little angel!) or finagle you a better grade or extra credit when your performance in school was lackluster. Parents that call the Admissions Office of all those schools that denied you to plea that there “must be one more spot” or to tell them just how much they missed out. As if they give a fuck.

This is what that era of parenting has bred. An entitled generation who loses their shit the first time they are told “No” or that maybe they just aren’t good enough. Yet this blow to the ego is inevitable. Because in real life, there are winners and losers, your mommy can’t do shit to land you a job or pay raise, and is keeping score.

You responded to the backlash of your letter by saying, “all the feedback [you’ve] gotten from kids [your] age has been positive.” Yeah. That’s because they’re probably all assholes like you.

The rest of us, who came from a generation where our parents made us bust our asses to earn a good grade, reminded us it was because we kind of sucked when we didn’t make the basketball team, and punished us double for even coming close to doing anything that would get us a detention, think you are a brat on a soapbox.

You also said you were trying to be funny. That “it’s a satire.” Maybe your amazing education (which got you rejected from all of these colleges) didn’t learn you this, but we have this little book called the Dictionary. It helps us know what words mean in the language we speak. Here’s an excerpt for you:

Satire – noun. The use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

Now see, the bolded above, that’s where you REALLY went wrong. This op-ed here is a satire. Because I’m criticizing your stupidity. What you did was call out every hard working student who has ever overcome adversity and wrote about it in their college application. The ones who have been feared or discriminated against for their religious dress or the color of their skin, or who struggled with sexuality and the internal torment and turmoil it can cause. You even tackled the kids who were selfless enough to do good – charity, global humanity – or smart enough that they’ll probably cure whatever disease you might die from before you are even unfortunate enough to contract it.

What you did is not satire. It was offensive. And it was deflecting blame for your shortcomings onto everyone else in the world. Poor you, white girl, youngest of four, who probably lives in a nice middle-to-upper-class home. You probably watch “The Real Housewives” on a nice big flat screen too, huh?

So, want my advice? Probably not but I’ll give it anyway. Next time you suck at something in life – like when you don’t get that dream job, or you fail your midterms even though you pulled an all-nighter, or the police officer insists on writing you the ticket even though you gave your best display of waterworks – don’t blame everyone but your shitty self. Maybe try just admitting that there was someone more qualified, that you didn’t study enough, and that you broke the law. Realize that in life, there are winners and losers. Everyone has a little bit of both in them. And if you can just try to stop being such an asshole, you might end up being a little less of a loser.

Best of luck in college,






One thought on “An Open Letter to Suzy Weiss: You are an Asshole.

  1. Pingback: If you don't have anything nice to say...just say it anyway. « Turn This Car Around

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